I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize