All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Well I just put wine in my tea
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
