How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
