You just made me feel so damn special
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
