how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
