go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
