i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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