Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
