Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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