my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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