i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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