I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
