we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
