I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
