dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
