Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
