Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
