I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
