Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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