Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
