I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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