we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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