ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
