I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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