I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
