Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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