I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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