it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I faked an abortion last night.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
