why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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