i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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