It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Congratulations! We have a period
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