this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
And then he peed in my hair
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