i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize