I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
