I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
grandma shit on top of the toilet
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
