He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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