Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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