we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
