No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
