dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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