i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
