I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
