everyone is single if you try hard enough
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
