Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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