Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
