he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
