Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
