throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
