I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
