Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
