Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
