Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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