I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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