I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
