i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
