Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
