I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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