Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize