Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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