I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
