I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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