just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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