Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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