Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
