Will you blow on my dice?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
