Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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