I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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