i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
