You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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