Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
