i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
