We're facebook friends in real life
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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