You really coming over, don't trick.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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