we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
