I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
