i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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