I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
