apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
