he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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