i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
