I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
