garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He better not be in your backpack
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
