the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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