If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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