I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
