it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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