It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
