i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
