I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
A+ Viking dick
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
