So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
