Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
