i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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