you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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